race. gender. class. ability. citizenship. sexual orientation. religion. its not my fault what race i was born. its not necessarily a problem that our church's leadership is mostly straight. defense. defense. and fear. fear that i am not good enough, doing a good enough job, that i will be accused of being ____-ist. questions and questions about what it will mean if we are supposed to be something else. fear of not wanting to be a place where everyone is not welcome. knowing that we perpetuate spaces where not everyone is/feels welcome (feels, is...same difference to the one who is "not"). fearing becoming, then, spaces where we participate in tokenism, fucked up identity-based recruiting - so that we are more down, more diverse, more open and affirming. and trapped. we can't win. every way we turn someone is upset, offended, and hurt. and that is super fucking frustrating because we participate in the church in order to heal, invite, and extend. and here we are.
i've been doing a lot of thinking and working and confessing about this mess. and in my confessional endeavor on this blog, would like to put a lot of that thought and work out there - in order to invite others into the wrestling match with me. i'm starving for folks - who share a confessional, christian faith with me - to struggle with me on this. to work this with me. i'm tired of therapy groups and i'm exhausted with the guilt and i don't need another intellectual debate. i need to be transformed, again. and i know i can't be transformed in a vacuum or by myself. so here we go. each week until it seems the conversation is mostly put out there i'll take another aspect or dimension of this elusive light show about the church as a body and the identities that compose it. welcome to the wrestling mat.
