a confessing church series: introduction

race. gender. class. ability. citizenship. sexual orientation. religion. its not my fault what race i was born. its not necessarily a problem that our church's leadership is mostly straight. defense. defense. and fear. fear that i am not good enough, doing a good enough job, that i will be accused of being ____-ist. questions and questions about what it will mean if we are supposed to be something else. fear of not wanting to be a place where everyone is not welcome.  knowing that we perpetuate spaces where not everyone is/feels welcome (feels, is...same difference to the one who is "not"). fearing becoming, then, spaces where we participate in tokenism, fucked up identity-based recruiting - so that we are more down, more diverse, more open and affirming.  and trapped.  we can't win.  every way we turn someone is upset, offended, and hurt.  and that is super fucking frustrating because we participate in the church in order to heal, invite, and extend.  and here we are. 

i've been doing a lot of thinking and working and confessing about this mess.  and in my confessional endeavor on this blog, would like to put a lot of that thought and work out there - in order to invite others into the wrestling match with me.  i'm starving for folks - who share a confessional, christian faith with me - to struggle with me on this.  to work this with me.  i'm tired of therapy groups and i'm exhausted with the guilt and i don't need another intellectual debate.  i need to be transformed, again. and i know i can't be transformed in a vacuum or by myself.  so here we go. each week until it seems the conversation is mostly put out there i'll take another aspect or dimension of this elusive light show about the church as a body and the identities that compose it.  welcome to the wrestling mat. 

Comments

[Eva K. Delgado]

I don't feel like church is a place of safety, shelter or healing lately. I often feel like I am the other - the token, and whenever I express how alienated I feel, I am told that perhaps Godde is calling me to this. However, it doesn't seem that Godde is calling any of them into conversation as to why I may be feeling alienated and alone - the church is predominantly straight, white and suburban/middle class and the only time they engage with others is within a grossly unequal power dynamic. Any mention of this results in defensiveness. I've started looking for another church community, because I don't feel heard or accepted.

[Account Deleted]

"every way we turn someone is upset, offended, and hurt"

I long for a day when people who don't see eye-to-eye, who are upset/offended/hurt, can sit down across a table from one another and share honestly their hopes and fears and sorrows and joys. I long for a day when we can share that with each other, knowing we will offend the person across the table, but knowing what's more important is that we love and are loved beyond and through all the rest. I long for a day in the church when we can trust one another enough to be completely honest.

What you've written (in this post, and throughout the blog) gives me hope that this can happen despite the evidence (in the suburban part of the church where I find myself) to the contrary. Thank you for this vision.

[Beau]

the heartfelt rawness of your words speak to me deeply. spirituality has been important in my life for a very long time; organized religious space scared me for much of that time. less than a year ago, I found a place that speaks to me, where I do not feel tokenized for being queer, I don't feel uncomfortable because many folx who attend are not white, are not middle-class, are not able-bodied, and the minister has a sense of humor as well as wisdom, and differences in ways of expressing faith are valued.

I welcome company on sunday morning :)